Silber Blog

Some of you might know about The Sketchbook Project.  I think I mentioned it back in November when I bought one to fill up.  Anyway, I mailed it in today.  Essentially it’s a comic called “Insomniac” & I put it on my Facebook, I was too lazy to put it elsewhere as of yet.  It was supposed to be a couples project for me & my ex-girlfriend to do & somehow it actually ended up she did do a lot of work on it kind of at the last minute & made it a lot better than what it was that I had done.

So I suppose it’s worth mentioning on here that some shit went down between me & Karla since she has made some mentions & appearances in the blog.  Things had been rough on my end since February when we got in our first fight.  We broke up about a month ago with me trying to reconcile things.  & we kinda got back together after a couple of weeks & on Tuesday she told me she wanted to get things back on track for us getting married in the fall.  Then Thursday she told me she had no romantic feelings for me at all (& other things I shouldn’t get into), but she still wanted me to be her friend & I was really important to her.  Friday I told her that all of the reasons she would list why she should kill herself when she was drunk were true & she should just do it.  I’m kind of embarrassed to have said it, but I feel like I have to admit the kind of person I can become when somebody hurts me.  I think she wanted an apology & instead of an apology I offered her an explanation of that she should change the things wrong with herself or kill herself because her spiraling down the drain was in no one’s interest.  I mean, I feel it’s valid for her to say she’s a burden to her family & friends financially, emotionally, & mentally; but that’s a choice she’s making & she should take me telling her that as a challenge to work to be a better person every day.  Which is what I hope she does, even though I will never know what happens either way.  Otherwise the relationship is ending with her in a worse place than she was when she met me & me in a better place than when I met her & I’d greatly prefer it to end with us both in a better place.  In the mean time I lost about 20 pounds of weight over all the stress of the past month putting me at the least I’ve weighed in 15 years & I was debating the idea of going a couple more days of not being able to sleep or eat to see how long it takes for my heart to collapse on itself, but instead I got some pills that people use to help them be able to eat & sleep after surgeries & they seem to be working as I was able to eat full meals today.  So yeah, that’s the sad bastard place I’m coming from.  People keep telling me I should put it into my work, but my reply is I already have written enough sad stories/songs.  I think I’m ready to write something happy & to let it come true.  Thank you all for your interest & concern.  Silber=Family=Love.  We’ll see what happens as far as if not having a “first call” person in my life ends up with me having more time to get work done or less drive to get work done over the next few weeks.

Last Night’s Dream:
I’m going to one of those totally dead malls where half the store fronts have been turned into offices & one has been turned into a church & Clang Quartet has a show there on a Wednesday afternoon.