Surviving

It’s been a rough couple months.  While Droneuary was going, even though it wasn’t successful in certain ways (didn’t draw much attention or revenue), I didn’t have time to reflect on things as I was too busy & that can be good.  Now I’m spun back around to normal & it feels like “what’s the point to all this?”  I think part of it is that I did my annual comic convention & while it was sparsely attended (which is not uncommon) & I made few sales (which is not uncommon), there was an overwhelming of lack of interest.  Maybe it was because lately it’s been bundled with a family trip & usually it’s at the front end & this time it was at the backend after I was already used up from life on the road & it made it feel tedious.  Maybe it was that for various reasons most of the folks I see at the convention that I only run into once a year weren’t there.  Maybe it’s the reality of how tedious & unfulfilling my day job is.  I don’t know, it’s rare I’m excited & hopeful about anything any more & I really need that in life.  I feel like I’m just surviving & simply put, that’s not enough.  I guess that’s enough self-pity.  I’ll try to get back to work for a bit & hopefully the ability to work is joyful enough.

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