So I wrote this in my notepad on February 7, 2012, but at the time I thought it was too close to me to put up. So I’m having it automaticaly go up a year later.
When I was a teenager I felt lost & scared & alone, but I had this underlying hope that things could change to go my way at any moment. That I was destined to be somebody. Now it’s twenty years later & I find myself taking shelter under a bridge. The hope/delusion is pretty much gone. I don’t know that I was ever really functioning properly, but now I feel pretty much completely broken. It’s taken a lot for me to finally admit my place. It’s taken a lot for me to realize how blessed I am. Now I just feel ready. I don’t even know what it is I’m ready for. Ready to die or ready to be happy or ready to just drudge on through life as I am. But I’m not waiting anymore. I’m comfortable & accepting. I don’t want to manipulate the future. I just want to accept the present & be satisfied in my place. My place sitting under a bridge writing my thoughts in a memo pad.