Old footage

So I wrote this in my notepad on February 7, 2012, but at the time I thought it was too close to me to put up.  So I’m having it automaticaly go up a year later.

When I was a teenager I felt lost & scared & alone, but I had this underlying hope that things could change to go my way at any moment.  That I was destined to be somebody.  Now it’s twenty years later & I find myself taking shelter under a bridge.  The hope/delusion is pretty much gone.  I don’t know that I was ever really functioning properly, but now I feel pretty much completely broken.  It’s taken a lot for me to finally admit my place.  It’s taken a lot for me to realize how blessed I am.  Now I just feel ready.  I don’t even know what it is I’m ready for.  Ready to die or ready to be happy or ready to just drudge on through life as I am.  But I’m not waiting anymore.  I’m comfortable & accepting.  I don’t want to manipulate the future.  I just want to accept the present & be satisfied in my place.  My place sitting under a bridge writing my thoughts in a memo pad.

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